Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
