Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
