you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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