In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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