you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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