im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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