Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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