I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
