I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
