Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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