Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
