..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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