I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
