He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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