She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
