The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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