she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
