it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
