My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to align my fucking chakras
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
