sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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