idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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