there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
