You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
