Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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