I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
