sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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