imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
