Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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