so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
