shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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