i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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