I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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