i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
