Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize