yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I FOUND THE LEGS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
