just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
