I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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