i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
