I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize