If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
