i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
