i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
