3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
