Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
