he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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