grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
