I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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