Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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