He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
