So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize