I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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