it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
