I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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