i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize