there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
