whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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