i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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