We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
