And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
