Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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