Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize