we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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