she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
