I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
