It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
