we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
