Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
