So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize