Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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