I haven't been this sober since birth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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