in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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