my phone needs a breathalizer
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
