Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize