It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
