The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
