Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i've created a new STD.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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