You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
