Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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