just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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