How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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