Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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