I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
