He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
