The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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