think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
two words: eviction party
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
