Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
