the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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