I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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