I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
