his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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