...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
