what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
