Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
