As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
